Thursday morning, I’m sucking back screwdrivers and winging my way towards…. BURBANK?! Stupid Southwest routing. It did, however, give me time to down another few drinks. Upon landing in Las Vegas, I found my 37 pound suitcase and made my way to a shuttle. The driver loaded my stuff up, gave me a strange look when I told him the name of my hotel and announced to everyone, “I hope we get there alive, I AM an Asian driver!” and giggled.
After going over a speedbump and flying 2 feet in the air, we arrived at my hotel. The driver wished me luck and in moments, I knew why. I checked into the seediest hotel I’ve ever been in (mind you, I’ve stayed at the Mesa Inn) I immediately wished I’d packed sheets. I got to my room and did the usual inspection: I tried to locate the urine smell that was overwhelming me the minute I opened the door and while searching, found clothes that may or may not have belonged to a hooker who may or may not be dead.
I took a quick nap, made a few phone calls and was picked up from a street corner for the TTH3! No trail, just beer this week. It’s as if they knew I was coming! Big thanks to Too Fucked to Circle Jerk for the rides. Met up with the rest of the crew and sampled some excellent Pumpkin Ale.
I got another room (sans dead hooker remnants and urine smell) before I went to bed and slept a lot better.
Friday, I woke up and almost immediately got word that The Arabian Goggler was terrorizing the pool at the Golden Nugget. Of course I went to help him. Goggler, Phallus Alarm and I drank and chilled at the pool for a few hours. Around 2ish we went to annoy wake up Panty Free. She was less than thrilled with us. At some point, I adjourned back to my room to meet up with TNT and get ready for the night’s festivities. I donned my giant tutu, covered myself in glitter, gave my liver a pep talk and we were ready to roll.
Recognizing hashers you haven’t seen in a while is one thing, recognizing them in costume is a whole different animal. This is the sum total of what I remember: encountering the Rocky Horror cast, an embarassing reunion with Spermaccino, Panty Free drawing a happy face on Boner Malfunction’s penis, and Oh Shit! handing me a margarita. Somehow, I made it back to my room (no recollection of how or when), and woke up the next morning wondering if anyone got the plate of the truck that hit me.
Most of that evening is a blur, which explains Boner Malfunction telling me the next day how he lost his ATM card at the last bar and me responding “There was a bar?!” with great alarm.
Saturday, TNT and I went to brunch down the street at Main Street Station. We made quick work of our hangovers and joined the party that was raging at the pool of the Golden Nugget. Once we got too cold, (the pool area seemed to have a perpetual icy breeze rolling through it) we went to get ready for the main event: Las Vegas Red Dress Run! Balled Guy and TNT put me in my corset, we put Balled Guy in his tights, and TNT managed to handle her own outfit.
I don’t remember much of this night, but the photos tell me I had a blast! I couldn’t get into the last bar, because I had left my ID with TNT (What did we learn?). So I went back to the venue and had some food (I recall a vegetarian option, go Vegas!) I danced my tooshie off and had my corset duct taped to me by a man a vaguely recall being named Max Lode.
The next morning, as I ripped the duct tape off my back and realized I was stuck to the bed with the adhesive, I realized it was time for a hash! I met up with Adios Motherfucker and Doublemint Cum for a little breakfast and found the start. I was pleasantly suprised to see that The Arabian Goggler was alive! Panty Free had shepherded him into momentary sobriety. The joke of the day became “H2GL’s tits are SO big…” So, if you have any of those jokes, leave them in comments, please. We continued in that vein until we reached the on in. At the bar, someone found a very convienent staircase to the roof, which we used for the longest cascade on record. It is, as far as I know, also the only cascade on record, but we’re proud nonetheless.
Those are all the important bits, or at least they must be, since thats all I remember months later!
On on to the next adventure!
Here 2 Get Laid
