We want to hash today!
There was plenty of controversy leading up to this, the 14th running of the Half Assed Hash. The main points of contention were whether or not we could consume a keg, assumptions about the male to female ratio and if Anal Rose could satisfy that many randy harriettes. After long discussions via email that began in astrophysics and quantum mechanics and ended in blow jobs, we ran out of racy things to discuss at work and were stuck deciding if we’d open season Splatterpussy if she was unable to keep the rain away. Luckily, there was no need to break out the rancid condiments; Splatter consulted Shigmata the night before, and he pulled some strings within the family.
Today’s half mind vocabulary word was brought to us by Salad Shooter, the letter “G” and the number 69. Arduous: requiring great exertion; laborious; difficult. That was the word Salad used to describe this trail in her hare lies. Obviously, since this is a HAH3, the trail was the antithesis of that. As one of the many folks lending a hand to FeFiFoCum on his virgin hare I bolted to my station and marked my beercheck.
Obviously, I didn’t mark it well enough (I thought a 6 foot bright yellow arrow was sufficient, silly me) as Scratchy missed the beercheck completely and Shigmata was so focused on flour that he nearly ran right by Goes Down Syndrome, Undercover Cock Rubber and me. The first beercheck was also where Anal Rose decided to raid my trunk for leftovers of my journeys. He found my angel wings and halo and decided that since our current “Half Shit” was not in attendance, this would do just fine as a stand in.
FeFiFoCum’s deflouring was a scenic beachfront affair, with lovely ocean breeze, plenty of booze and sand getting in places it shouldn’t. Reminds me of prom night.
The second beercheck was Salad’s speciality: jello shots. Shrimp Skanky rolled up on his bike and enjoyed some refreshments with London’s Bitch, and Maui Waui before Studfinder and Flabio DFL’d in.
We ended at Slow Poke’s lovely cottage by the sea, and had great food as catered by Impy. After a dinner of hot dogs that put our last weenie roast to shame, we got down to the business of circle.
Shigmata was the recipient of the Flo D Stuntman award, for managing to break his Arrogant Bastard pint glass. Personally, I think he should have gotten the Half Shit for bringing glass to the beach and for spilling so much beer. However, the Half Shit went to One Hand Bandito, for one reason or another (I’m going to go with the “rambling trip to nowhere” guerrilla down down, but I’m sure there are plenty more valid reasons). Betty Cock-In-Her was incredibly proud of her brand new shoes, and literally jumped into circle for the chance to drink from them. Circle concluded with yours truly being called out for “Hash Plague” and given a truly vile shot that seemed to do the trick, and a birthday spank train for Goes Down Syndrome.
As the skies opened up, we retreated into Slow Poke’s front room for a tea party. We had tea and biscuits and a conversation that would have made the Queen blush. The party began to break up into on afters and the sound of breaking glass was my cue to leave. All in all a pleasant day. A question from your humble hash trash; Can we ever have a HAH3 without rain? It must be the only hash in SD county that contends with rain nearly every time it runs.
On on to checking the weather report,
Here 2 Get Laid
Upcumming events:
2/29-3/2 Betty Ford Rehab
3/8 Humpin’ Bar-2-Bar
5/30 San Diego RDR
6/13-15 jHavelina’s 1000th run (Tucson)
Also, its time for mismanagement erections! The nominees were announced as follows (Note, this list is not up to date or comprehensive. Use as directed. Please send any corrections to Anal Rose, not me, as I really don’t care.)
GM: Splatterpussy (Abuse of power from the previous regime. Uncontested. What do you think this is, a democracy?)
RA: All Roads Lead To Anal, ZAP, or write in candidate of your choice.
Hare Raiser: Here 2 Get Laid, Witch Fucker or write in candidate of your choice.
Half Trash: Here 2 Get Laid or some other unlucky wanker.
Half Cash: FeFiFoCum, Goes Down Syndrome, Shigmata, or write in candidate of your choice.
Half Flash: Doktor Dive, Undercover Cock Rubber, or the write in shutterbug of your choice
Half-erdasher: FeFiFoCum, Witch Fucker, or the write in style maven of your choice.
Songmeister: Salad Shooter or the write in minstrel of your choice.
